Please Stop Wasting Your 1:1s

Most people are wasting their 1:1s. I know, I’ve been there too.

When I was early in my career, I used to think of 1:1s as a checkbox. If I was the manager, I’d go, “How’s it going?” and nod along. If I was the employee, I’d give a high-level update and be out of there. Some weeks, we’d end up talking small talk because neither of us had anything urgent to discuss. Other times, I’d find myself in meetings where my boss was half-listening while responding to emails with her fingers.

It wasn’t working — it was just a repeating calendar invitation we both felt trapped with.

Then I hit a breaking point. My schedule was booked up, my team needed my attention, and I was spending hours in 1:1s that weren’t affecting anyone. That’s when I pulled back and rethought how these meetings should actually function.

If any of these sound familiar, it’s time to take a closer look at how you’re using your 1:1s:

• You and one or both of you are “doing other work” for the 1:1 — maybe checking mail or responding to Slack/Teams.
• Neither of you is prepared for the meeting and there is no agenda.
• You find yourself chit-chatting for meeting after meeting with no real progress.

What You Can Do About It

Instead of letting 1:1s turn into autopilot, be intentional. Here’s what I changed:

As a Manager:

• I quit using 1:1s as status updates. That’s what dashboards and Slack are for. I used them for coaching, feedback, and career development instead.
• I started asking better questions: What’s pissing you off right now? What is one thing I could do differently as your manager?
• I took it upon myself to make these meetings worth my direct report’s time. If my direct report wasn’t learning anything from them, that was my failing.

As a Direct Report:

• I came prepared. I had the habit of jotting down blockers, questions, or thoughts I wanted to discuss.
• I requested feedback on a regular basis instead of only at performance reviews.
• If I was not getting value out of 1:1s, I…